cRaptured Away

"Those who can make you believe absurdities can make you commit atrocities" --Voltaire

Thursday, January 25, 2007

Welcome to Dystopia

Glenn Greenwald shines the light on just how far over the fucking rainbow the neocon authority cultists and war monkeys who make up the administration and the base of their supporters are willing to go

How can the same people who claim that the "terrorists hate us because of our freedom" then turn around and implicitly claim that any exercise of that freedom which doesn't conform to their view is equivalent to treason?

Are they just that immune to the irony of their own bullshit?

the mind boggles.

Monday, December 11, 2006

In case you don't know me

I am a vicious old bastard. I got old before my time.

Except, unlike a right-winger, i don't waste a lot of time trying to pass myself off as being terribly tough or hardcore.

My penchant for fighting has aged me prematurely, and some mornings my body regrets things that my mind and soul do not.

My brief detour into crime and violence when i was young have taught me lessons that some of these punk-ass wingnuts who have never gotten their hands dirty could never come close to understanding.

I can tell you that most of the people who are pro-torture should take a stun-gun to the genitals or get used for a punching bag a few times before they commit to that point of view.

And just so you know, back when i was at the worst of my amoral and thuggish behavior, i regularly voted Republican, as did the people i worked for.

Tuesday, November 14, 2006

I don't think Rick Moran likes me very much

So, after months of attending to the process of living life instead of cowering under my desk afraid that there might be brown people lurking behind every fucking corner waiting to be mean to me, a la the average right wing blogger, i come out of my cave like some perverse and perverted fusion of Punxsatawney Phil and Grendel and see that the post-election weather means that the long winter of Republican control of the House and the Senate is nearly at its end and it is once again safe for at least quasi-rational creatures to once again roam freely about the land.

My first action was to pay a visit to my favorite gang of snarky bastiches over at Sadly, No! and see that some guy at the (approriately named) Right-wing Nuthouse was taking them and some other fine bloggers to task for not being sufficiently meek and subdued to keep him from catching a frightful case of the vapors

As i would have fully exptected of them the Sadly, No! crew responded appropriately to Little Ricky's display of dismay, and upon reading some of the comments in the exchange, i couldn't help but volunteer a few remarks of my own

says me:

27. The Crapture Said:
7:35 pm

You’ll have to forgive me if i’m not sympathetic to how chagrined you seem to be over the election outcome and the displays of unrestrained schadenfreude from some bloggers and commenters that have come as a result, but after listening to the unfiltered bleatings of people who live in some twilight of perpetual panic as though al Qaeda was going to unleash waves of exploding gay Mexicans over our borders to take away our guns and teach evolution to our embryos unless we scrap the Constitution in favor of old-fashioned, old-Testament values, i’m just not prepared to regard most of the authority cultists passing themselves off as conservatives with a straight face

and Herr Moron replies:

29. Rick Moran Said:
7:56 pm

Mr. Shit er…Crap:

“after listening to the unfiltered bleatings of people who live in some twilight of perpetual panic as though al Qaeda was going to unleash waves of exploding gay Mexicans over our borders to take away our guns and teach evolution to our embryos unless we scrap the Constitution in favor of old-fashioned, old-Testament values,

Hysterical. Wildly exaggerated. So over the top as to be on another planet.

If that’s really what you think you’re sick. If you’re just trying to sound clever, you’re not. If you’re trying to make a point, just what the hell is it?

Well, if you weren't so busy pissing in your pants in fear of brown people, gay people, Muslims and anything else that makes your palms turn slimy orange with that peculiar mix of Cheeto-dust and fear-sweat, you would see that Wild, hysterical, over the top exaggeration is EXACTLY my point.

I'm dying to see what Little Ricky has to say about my assessment of the latest Republican calls for "Bipartisanship"

now that ought to be comedy gold.

If this turns out to be any sort of full fledged pissing match, i'll feel like i've arrived as a blogger. But if not, c'est la vie

Tuesday, June 13, 2006

It's very simple

Ann Coulter's tack of playing the victim for all of the heat she's caught for being the nasty sack of snot that she is and saying all of the hateful shit she has said in her book displays the same level of unmitigated chutzpah as someone having the nerve to show up to a party reeking paint thinner, taking a dump in the punchbowl, insulting all of the guests and then wondering why everyone but the really fucked-up drunks want to throw her out of the highest possible window.

i used to hang around with someone like that. She insulted me regularly and then had the nerve to wonder why i quit putting up with her bullshit. The mainstream media have proven to be a different breed of whores and masochists in that Little Annie Adam's-Apple of the Third Reich shits on them regularly and not only do they keep inviting her back, but they defend her while she does it.

It's the sort of behavior akin to cultivating a tumor in your brain and then declaring, even after it has eaten off half of your face that not only is it NOT malignant, but that you look forward to the day when it finishes consuming your head and then eats the rest of your family

Thursday, May 04, 2006

Hey, Cohen:

Is something like THIS a little more comedic to you:

At a black-tie dinner for journalists, Mr Bush narrated a slide show poking fun at himself and other members of his administration.

One pictured Mr Bush looking under a piece of furniture in the Oval Office, at which the president remarked: "Those weapons of mass destruction have got to be here somewhere."

After another one, showing him scouring the corner of a room, Mr Bush said: "No, no weapons over there," he said.

And as a third picture, this time showing him leaning over, appeared on the screen the president was heard to say: "Maybe under here?"

The audience at Wednesday's 60th annual dinner of the Radio and Television Correspondents' Association obviously thought the quips hilarious - there were laughs all round - but the next morning, in the cold light of day, things looked far less amusing.

Yeah, that's really fucking cute there, just the sort of stuff that positively KILLS in a room full of whores and sycophants like the kind our press has become in the course of covering this rampaging clusterfuck of an administration

Or, dear Richard, is it just that this particular misbegotten spawn of a silver gorilla named Bar deserves some special degree of deference and reverence because he's a republican?

Did you find Don Imus' remarks at the 1996 Correspondents' Dinner to be respectful and appropriate?

To be honest, the text of that speech may be some of the funniest stuff i've ever heard from Imus ...since god knows on TV and on radio Imus comes across as this boring, barely-animate scrap of leather that someone saw fit to prop up in front of a microphone.

I guess there is something to the notion of wearing kid-gloves with Bush as opposed to Clinton as, in spite of his personal shortcomings, Clinton seems to possess a genuine sense of humor and is not an emotionally immature psychopath with a messiah complex like little Dubya.

And by the way, Mr. Cohen, you might want to give Chris Matthews back those custom-made kneepads with the White House logo embossed on them before he misses another chance to service the President

Tuesday, May 02, 2006

Well-rehearsed indignance

So a good percentage of the various Bush apologist/whores we have come to call our media all have their panties in a bunch over the spanking they got from Stephen Colbert at the White House Correspondents' Dinner on Saturday night.

Yeah, well... fuck 'em.

Since the Reagan-era, our media has spent an inordinate amount of time fellating right-wing assholes so as not to seem "biased" and then after decades of that type of professional, for-profit knob-gobbling, they have the nerve to object to being portrayed as low-grade street corner whores.

At least the damage that can be caused by an actual street-corner trollop is comparatively minimal in that at worst she may give a few johns an STD. The grand and unrelenting whoredom we call the media is more than willing to transmit their collective war-gasm into the homes of millions like the biggest, nastiest collective snow-balling ever committed.

I don't remember hearing so much outrage over Don Imus' genuinely tasteless and disrespectful appearance at the same function ten years ago, but then maybe that's because Clinton and his supporters have a sense of humor and he only had one person (as opposed to the whole press corps) sucking him off.

Hey Tweety, giving those kneepeds a workout, eh?

Monday, April 10, 2006

Maybe we could call it "Ass-clown Roulette"

Some mouth-breathing, knuckle-dragging right-wing jackoff named Brian James over at local Nazi-radio shit-hole KFYI made remarks last night encouraging the idea of randomly killing border crossers.

What we’ll do is randomly pick one night - every week - where we will kill whoever crosses the border. Step over there and you die. You get to decide whether it’s your lucky night or not. I think that would be more fun…[I’d be] happy to sit there with my high-powered rifle and my night scope.

Well, Hey, Brian, I've got an idea, how about if someone with a high-powered rifle and a night-scope was to, once a week, randomly select a wingnut radio station and play a little Ass-cLown roulette whenever you or one of your colleagues or peers at your station or another one like it was coming off shift... I think that would be fun...don't you?

(NOTE: Unlike Mr. James, I actually AM JUST KIDDING... unlike that shitbag i am not stupid enough to publicly advocate that sort of crime and if i was serious about having harm come to such a punk-ass bitch as Brian James, you can bet your ass i wouldn't be saying anything like this out loud)